I finally got a hard copy of the current service manual. I’m highlighting it using the old service manual as a guide. There were several places where I found the service manual extremely helpful in the past, so those are all marked up. I’m also moving my tabs to the new manual. I like being able to speedily find what I need.

I’m reminded of the central tension in group dynamics with Al-Anon. There are no musts in Al-Anon. Our leaders are but trusted servants, they do not govern. We practice obedience to the uninforceable. And yet, failure to adhere to the Traditions has consequences.

World Service will refuse to register a group that bars membership to any subset in Al-Anon. For instance, if you’re running a women’s meeting, and a man shows up, the group cannot bar the man without forfeiting registration. Because the only requirement for Al-Anon membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. If you throw out that Tradition, you’re not practicing Al-Anon anymore and can’t be registered.

That can be tough to balance. Those of us in vulnerable populations need to feel that we have a safe space. And yet the whole point of the Traditions and Concepts is to make sure that we have a safe space.

Special focus meetings make a lot of sense. One reason to have them is so that when we show our experience, strength, and hope, there are other people who understand where we are coming from. They won’t try to apply viewpoints or attitudes that don’t apply to our situations. But again, the whole point of Traditions and Concepts is so that we can trust people anyway. And we have an overall principle of take what you liked and leave the rest when it comes to experience, strength, and hope.

Sometimes I feel like an Al-Anon cop and I don’t want to be. I want our Higher Power to express themselves in our group conscience. I want consensus whenever possible. And I want to feel safe and understood.

In the past, my approach to groups who are not adhering to the Traditions has been to gently suggest adherence to the Traditions, along with whatever experience, strength, and hope I might have and how to accomplish it. And then if the situation doesn’t approve over the next couple of meetings, dropping the group entirely.

I don’t know if that’s always right. I don’t know if that’s usually right or only sometimes right. Or not at all right. I’ll have to revisit that next time it comes up.

So much is going on right now.

I have a parent in the hospital who is getting better, but super confused. Combine that with the family disease of alcoholism and it’s hard to tell how to be of assistance without getting sucked into a relapse.

I have a certification exam coming up. The last couple have been traumatic, with the need for re-takes. I’ve always been great at both school and test taking, so these have been completely demoralizing. This one is supposed to be an easy one, but I dunno.

At work I have applied for three other roles in a higher pay band. I’ve been stagnating in my current role and my skills are super rusty. There hasn’t been a response in the last couple of weeks, but also it’s layoff season and there are hiring freezes, so that may take some time. Once I have gotten that exam off my plate, I need to do some refresher training on my previous skills so I can say least sounds like I know some stuff.

All the time I spend at the hospital has been time away from home, and there’s a lot of home maintenance duty stacking up. I just now got one task done and feel good about it. But there’s so much more.

I met one of my financial goals and now it’s time to completely change how I do finances so I can meet my next goal. So many fiddly wee details!

I have a big trip planned for end of next month. It was an event that I had to cancel due to COVID in 2020. Gonna be pissed off if hospital stuff or job stuff blocks me this year. Everything is paid up and non refundable.

I still feel disconnected from HP. You would think after everything we’ve been through together, I wouldn’t have trouble remembering HP is there for me and with me. Oh you would be wrong!

I always keep a downloaded copy of the service manual on my devices, but it’s nice to have hard copy sometimes. Now I get to transfer my bookmarks of my favorite parts.

A strange thing happened while looking at photographs with a parent. They kept saying things like, “Look at this! You were so photogenic!” and, “This is so pretty! Look how smooth your skin was here.”

I don’t recall this parent saying a positive thing about my appearance my whole life. I grew up thinking I was so ugly because the criticism was constant.

Dunno what happened, but thanks to my program I can look at these pictures and see there’s a pretty cute kid there. I can like, and even love, that kid. I can appreciate that this parent now thinks my appearance was great. And I’ve let go the resentment for the criticism of the past. So now it’s just interesting.