So Pretty

Posted on by Any Al-Anon

A strange thing happened while looking at photographs with a parent. They kept saying things like, “Look at this! You were so photogenic!” and, “This is so pretty! Look how smooth your skin was here.”

I don’t recall this parent saying a positive thing about my appearance my whole life. I grew up thinking I was so ugly because the criticism was constant.

Dunno what happened, but thanks to my program I can look at these pictures and see there’s a pretty cute kid there. I can like, and even love, that kid. I can appreciate that this parent now thinks my appearance was great. And I’ve let go the resentment for the criticism of the past. So now it’s just interesting.

Staying in my lane

Posted on by Any Al-Anon

I was thinking today about taking care of what’s mine and letting go what’s not mine. I thought of a good example.

Assume I am on a team where I was taught than when an email comes in that’s relevant to a ticket in the system, I am supposed to copy/paste that email into the ticket, if it’s not already there. I am diligent with this. I never forget to check if the email is there, and I copy it over if not.

But I notice that team members from another shift don’t do it. Emails are missing from the ticket.

Old Me would hunt down all the relevant emails and copy them into the ticket. Or Old Me would report the lack to supervisors.

Old Me would resent that I do all the things and my colleagues don’t.

New Me would apply “How Important Is It?” New Me would ask myself if the information in the emails is easily findable if necessary. New Me would ask myself if anyone would actually be harmed. If it’s not so important that someone would be harmed, could New Me let it go?

If it were truly that important, wouldn’t the lack be obvious? Wouldn’t corrective training be happening?

None of that is my business. I’m doing what I’m supposed to, and that’s what’s in my purview.

Now if something is going on where a harm is happening that is outside my realm, it’s my right and my responsibility to mention it. Once. And then I need to let go of the results. Speaking up often is an attempt to control. And we already established that it’s outside my realm.

Heard in a Meeting

Posted on by Any Al-Anon

“Your loved one is headed straight to hell. If you don’t take care of yourself, you are headed straight to hell too!”

You should have seen my shocked face. We don’t talk religion in here! And we surely don’t speak in the second person. What the heck?!?!

Turned out the speaker was speaking metaphorically, not literally. Addiction to alcohol or drugs is an ever-intensifying hell, and being a family member obsessed with someone in addiction is also an ever-intensifying hell. I can’t save them, but I can save me by practicing a program, changing the focus back to me and trusting in my Higher Power.

The speaker clarified that’s what they meant, and I felt a lot better after that.

Block It or Bless It

Posted on by Any Al-Anon

I heard today a more orderly and succinct way to practice following my HP’s will for me. A speaker said that what she does when investigating a course of action is to take a single step and then ask HP to block it or bless it. And do that at each step. Generally, if it’s not HP’s will, a very clear obstacle will appear to block that course.

That is exactly how my HP has worked for me but I didn’t have the clarity to ask for block it or bless it. Now I can! Thanks, speaker!

HP’s Career Plan?

Posted on by Any Al-Anon

The other day while praying at the beginning of a work week, I had a revelation that was so astonishing to me. I pray by writing, and I was at the end of the notebook. So a couple of days later, as I began to forget what I had learned, I dug the notebook back out and reread the entry. Now I’m keeping it out so I can read it as often as I need to. Here are some excerpts.

One thing I need to ask You about. You know how I feel about annual review. My manager thinks it’s entirely normal to use the Flag Down Somebody method of training, and to take well over a year doing it. I don’t like it. For one thing it’s not my learning style. For another, and I know I’m being judgmental, it’s stupidly inefficient and wasteful! I probably need to let that second thing go because plainly the company is fine with it and the very nature of my irritation signals a desire to control.

I have choices. I probably have lots of choices but two that are obvious are:

1) Stay in this position and go all in on [software].

2) Throw myself into cloud and try to get stolen by another team.

Throwing myself into [one cloud] has not gone all that well so far. It’s really hard. And I can’t do it on my on-duty time. I have to devote that to [software]. I don’t like [software]. [One cloud] is hard. I heard [two other clouds] are just as hard. I am talking the certification exams, not the platforms themselves. …

I have such a lack of acceptance of this team. There is no camaraderie, no rapport. If I stay, could I help with that? Is that what You want of me? Does it look more attractive because it looks easier than [one cloud]? I surely could do without the stress of studying [one cloud] all the time. It’s starting to look like I should go all in on [software] and [database]. Maybe I can learn to see this (stupid!!!) training method as a period of grace and gentleness that is a gift from You to me right now. Did You do that? Did You arrange a slacker job for me so that I could recharge and recoup and get through menopause with this hormone brain and be okay? Have I tripped over one of Your blessings and failed to notice because I’ve been complaining about not being useful? Have I found my answer, then? Did You do this for me? Then I must turn my energies to [software] and [database] and make the most of this. I will cancel the [one cloud] exam. Thank You for this blessing! I am sorry I didn’t see it right away. May I make best use of it and be a help to others. Thy will, not mine, be done. Amen.

So, each day I need to remember to stop criticizing the training and the team. How can I Let It Begin With Me? Can I reach out more to team members in honest exchange? Can I greet them daily, ask questions, thank them? Can I say great things about them when they are helpful to me and skip criticizing when they are not? Can I work harder on developing the training materials that I wish existed already? Can I leave work behind when duty hours are over and instead love my life?

I believe I can do all these things. But it requires setting aside my obsessions and judgments. That’s the part I need a lot more practice with.

Thy Will – A Prayer Song – Another Arrangement

Posted on by Any Al-Anon

Finally recorded an audio version, arranged differently than when last posted. Feel free to use however you like.

Thy Will

I decide
To turn my will and my life
Over to Your care

I decide
To turn my will and my life
Over to Your care

I pray only
For knowledge of Your will for me
And power
To carry it out

I pray only
For knowledge of Your will for me
And power
To carry it out

God, please
Grant me serenity
To accept the things
I cannot change

God, please
Grant me courage
To change the things
I can

God, please
Grant me wisdom
To know what
The difference is

God, please
May Thy will
Not mine
Be done

Thy will
Not mine
Be done

Thy will
Not mine
Be done

Amen