Once it became obvious the last relationship was over, and we were pretty much waiting for the paperwork, my sponsor said it would be the prime time to decide what I want in my next partner. I thought my sponsor was nuts, but after some explaining it did make sense. I could scope this out now while no one is on the horizon, so there’s no danger of making the criteria fit the candidate.
My sponsor encouraged me to spell out even the silly inducements, and to decide what kinds of obsessions in the other person I could handle. I was to think also about health and recovery. That led to some expository paragraphs in addition to the simple list.
I wrote these in my paper journal, in cursive, some time ago. But that’s not a handy location.
- Respects me
- Shares some of my interests
- Respects and supports their family
- Well employed
- Can be silly, but not the default state
- Can be very serious
- Has goals and plans of their own
- Expresses self in work or hobbies
- At least as mature as I am
- Dependable without being codependent
- Caring without being a doormat
- A good neighbor
- A good friend
- Accepting of me
- Accepting of my sexuality
- Accepting of my orientation
- Non-controlling
- Willing to dance, can enjoy it
- Sexual compatibility
- For whom sex is fun, pleasurable, feels good
- Compatible sexual orientation
- Has a dog!!!
- Is happy
- Not racist
- Not politically extreme
- Not prone to rage
I am still pondering on whether I could handle a relationship with a non-geek. I also have not decided if being a 12-stepper is requisite. Also pondering what kind of health issues I could handle.
Am not for compulsions in general, but could probably handle eating, fitness, or TV compulsions. Absolutely cannot handled criticism, drinking, drugs, gambling, or shopping compulsions.