So, after all this time I’m still having trouble not obsessing over an alcoholic. Maybe I shouldn’t read so much AA literature. It might be giving me the “if only”s. Well, I am acquiring the “if only”s via whatever source they come. I very much regret that my former life partner is still living in a seething ball of resentment and self-will, and that there is nothing at all I can do about it.

I tend to think, Oh if I send that book or this T-shirt or that medallion it would be the thing to prompt the other person into seriously working the steps, into genuinely becoming open minded. If I just say the right thing in an email or a greeting card, if I just nudge them just the right way …
That person has all the tools of the program they’ll ever need; if they don’t pick them up, that’s entirely between them and their HP. I know that. My brainmeats know that. More mysterious parts have yet to wake up to that.
I have a set of prayer beads I made myself that reflect my own spiritual and religious views. Most of my prayers are, “Thy will, not mine, be done,” and “God, grant me knowledge of Thy will for me and the power to carry that out.” Maybe for the time being I need a prayer to commend the person to their HP and move my focus back to me. Maybe I need also a prayer for freedom from obsession.
Think it’ll help?
By the way, I reached the end of Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book) tonight. Spoiler: they all lived happily ever after.

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